My Plans for My Future

At the moment, I haven’t really been able to do that much. I am going to school currently, but on the days that I don’t have school I just sit at home and do nothing. I desperately need a job and I’ve applied to a few, but have not heard anything back from them. I really wish that I could begin making some money soon because I would really like to go shopping for new clothes and electronics (I love electronics!). Money unfortunately seems to make the world go round. 


Also, this semester I was not able to take any Psychology classes which is a bummer. They were all taken! Since I was new to the college I got to register last, along with the other new people. Hopefully I’ll be able to register for a Psychology class or two for the fall semester. I’m taking off summer semester so that I might be able to get a summer job and finally be able to make some money! Hopefully that goes well, of course with my current luck, I might not have the opportunity. Oh well, it’s probably best that I keep an open mind! Otherwise I definitely won’t get a job. 


I haven’t started on my book yet, as I’m trying to come up with some ideas for starting it. I probably need to brainstorm and maybe that will help me start it. Brainstorming is always fun!  Maybe my fiancé will help me come up with a few ideas, unless anybody else has any ideas. I really need to write in order to fill up my abundant free time. Too much free time is never good! Although, on occasion it is good. A person should never overload themselves with things to do. That has a high possibility to cause stress, and for me stress is never a good thing. I have high anxiety issues. 


Lately, I’ve had a few bad things happen, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to pull myself up to where I was before they happened. Usually I’m negative, but I can’t be any longer. That certainly isn’t getting me anywhere. Trust me, I know. 


I also need to make new friends. I’m sick of living a solitary life. It just isn’t good for the social animals that us humans are. Being unsocial can lead to many things, including Depression, which I deal with a lot unfortunately. A couple of weeks ago I had been so depressed that I barely went to school and was withdrawing from the few friends I have and fiancé. I would barely have the energy to talk about anything and that is very unlike me. Usually I have so many new ideas and interesting things to talk about.



Of course! You must keep calm and study Psychology! I love this picture!

Well, this has been a longer post than those that I have written as of lately, but I just wanted to update a few things, and I also love to write! If you couldn’t tell already. Anyways, I think it’s time to have this post come to a close. I will probably, and hopefully, write later on this week. Maybe I will have brainstormed and started writing my book. I’ll keep you guys updated on my book and brainstorming!  


A Book in the Making?

So, I’ve been thinking about writing a book. I don’t really know what I’ll write about, but I would really like to write one. Hmm.. Maybe I’ll write about something dealing with Psychology or something. Or maybe a fiction novel. I’m not really sure at the moment, but I’ll figure it out soon. I need something to do with my daily boredom. Haha. That would get rid of my boredom. Anybody have ideas?Image

My Life as of Lately

Because inspiration is one of the best things to feel.

Because inspiration is one of the best things to feel.

Once again, it’s been an extremely long time since I’ve posted anything on here, but better later than never! Anyways, lately I’ve been dealing with some sadness in my life. My Granddad who had Alzheimer’s passed away 2 months ago and I’m still having to get over that. I really wish that I could have seen him before he passed, but I have a feeling that it is probably best that I didn’t because of how bad of a state he had been in. I hadn’t seen him since about 10 years ago. I’m glad he isn’t in pain anymore though.

I’m back in school finally, and am currently studying German, Statistics, and American HIstory. No Psychology for this semester which I’m very sad about. All the classes were filled up. I can’t wait to get my Bachelor’s degree! I think I have about 1 1/2 years left which isn’t too long. Maybe then I could finally get some kind of job in the Psychology field.

Well, this was just an update. I’ll probably post more stuff later on.

A New Life!

Well, a lot has changed since my last post. My fiancé and I finally moved into our apartment. Lately, we’ve been furnishing our new apartment and because my birthday is coming up in 9 days my fiancé’s brother and his brother’s wife are going to buy us a few things for the apartment. Today, my dad went with us to Ikea and bought us a sofa and tv unit for our housewarming gift. I can’t appreciate the people in our lives enough. Our move couldn’t have gone any better. Luckily, we weren’t the only one’s moving our stuff. My mom and my fiancé’s brother and his brother’s wife helped us move all of our stuff into our upstairs apartment. I was thinking that something would go bad because it seems like bad things happen whenever something exciting and big happens. For once, everything seemed to happen almost perfectly.

Living in my mom’s house, being 20, and my fiancé living with us made everything very stressful. I know that 20 isn’t a late age to move out, but it was definitely needed. Everything is so much better, and me and my mom have more of the friendship that we used to have ever since I moved out.

Before our move into the apartment I nearly always in a depressive mood. Ever since we’ve moved out, I have only had one depressive episode, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was before. This move has made me feel liberated from a lot and I am tons happier. It was just time for me to move out.



-A reminder to myself that there is always happy among the sad.

Don’t Give Up

Today has been an eye-opening experience for me. I was stumbling literally about 5 minutes ago, and I stumbled across a video of a boy diagnosed with Leukemia. He was 11 years old and even though he knew that he would die he didn’t give up. When asked what makes him sad, he responds by saying when people give up. It’s easy to be in his situation and give up. It’s amazing that n 11 year old feels this way. Over the past years I have felt like giving up countless times because life is not easy. Of course life isn’t easy, and if it were easy, it would not be enjoyable when you accomplish something. This young boy said that until he die he was going to continue living a happy life. Sometimes we need to remember who we are and what we can be. Giving up is the easy route, but continuing no matter how difficult is the more fulfilling route even though it might be harder.

Last Wish



"gaseous envelope expelled by a dying star."

A truly beautiful and inspiring image taken by The Hubble Space Telescope.

Some time has gone by since my last post, but I feel the need to update. A whole new perspective has jumped into my life, and it has been about three weeks since. It all started while I was heading home from dropping my fiance off at work. NPR news, on radio station 90.1, had only been a few minutes into one of the most inspiring talks that I had ever heard. The guest was astrophysicist, Neil deGrasse Tyson, and what I was about to learn would change what I seek in life. During the whole conversation I was enthralled in Tyson’s way of explaining space exploration; it made me want to go out there and do it myself! One of the things he mentioned that I found extremely exciting was the asteroid, Apophis, that will pass Earth in 2029; the even more interesting fact is that if nothing is done to disrupt its current course, there is a slim chance that in 2036, the asteroid could collide with Earth and possibly cause detrimental effects. Yes, knowing there is even a slight chance that a huge asteroid could possibly collide with Earth and potentially do some major damage is slightly unsettling, but this is the kind of information that gets me motivated. While I had never dreamed of becoming an astrophysicist until hearing Tyson speak, I now ponder things about the seemingly endless universe. Nighttime has become a beautiful sight to me: I look up at the sky with my Galaxy Tablet in hand using an astronomy app that shows me where planets, star constellations, and other galaxies are. I am truly bewildered at my new discovery and I now keep wanting to learn more information. Don’t get me wrong, I still want to get a degree in psychology, but now I have an even bigger passion for astrophysics. I can’t wait to see what will come of our space exploration because there is so much, even now, that is unknown to us. I want to be that person to help further space exploration along.


Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s ‘Most Astounding Fact’. <—— This video is absolutely amazing. Neil DeGrasse Tyson is an amazing author and astrophysicist.

Feelings: BIG & small

“Habit and routine have an unbelievable power to destroy.”

-Henri de Lubac

The above quote, by Henri de Lubac, provides a little insight into the effects of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). OCD can make daily life hard for people diagnosed with the disorder. While I have never been diagnosed with OCD, I have many re-occurring obsessions and compulsions that I feel the constant need to carry out. These obsessions and compulsions started from a very young age, and I constantly feared death and being contaminated with an incurable disease. I can remember reading a sentence and then after completing the sentence I would have to read it backwards so that I would feel as if I was back where I started; I would do this same thing with the passing billboards I saw while riding in the car, and when I could not read it backwards before it passed I would feel a panicky feeling overwhelming me. When I starting feeling the panic, I would try to do something else (like blinking a certain amount of times) so that I would feel slightly better. When I was about eight years old I remember that I had to ask my mom each night if I was going to die that night or not. There is no way for my mom or anybody to know when I might die, but I still persisted. I instantly felt better after my mom would tell me that she did not see a reason for me to die that night; this went on for years.

Nowadays, I don’t ask if I’m going to die, but I still fear death a little. Most of this fear comes from not following through with a compulsion and because I didn’t follow through with it I would die because of it. One of the bigger things I deal with is blinking four times; I do this because I feel like if I don’t, something bad will happen.

The quote that I have put above is something I believe to definitely be true. Habits and routines are not necessarily bad things, but when it becomes an obsession that has to be completed in order to feel right, it can easily destroy a person’s life. I have started to let my compulsions and obsessions destroy me little by little, but I am aware of it, and I will not let it rule my life. There are some instances where it will get so bad while I’m in class that I want to leave because I don’t want anyone to look at me and think that I’m weird because I’m blinking a lot in a row or because I feel awkward in the way I sit or look.

A person does not study what you are doing or looking like and consider it to be the most important thing in the world. There are many other things that a person has to think about and process. I say this and I understand, but I still feel like everyone is looking at me and whispering about me.

This page is mainly a journal in which I will talk about daily struggles I go through. I will also be writing about other feelings I feel throughout the day, and providing insight so that not only will I be able to handle situations better, but to also give other people insight into how to deal with similar situations. I am exposing an important part of my life because I feel that it is needed to provide insight into people who deal with such things and because OCD is occasionally given a bad rap. People with OCD are not much different from other individuals without the disorder; we just have different ways of going about things or ideas.

Feedback and comments are much appreciated.